Tag Archives: perspective

There It Is.

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I’ve been taking a little time off from the psych literature devouring reading over the last couple of weeks to re-focus my attention on a memoir manuscript written by an incredibly talented young writer that I had put aside a few months ago in order to complete some ‘mandatory work-related reading’. Needless to say then that lately I haven’t been consuming as much mental health and wellness information of which I am all to eager to pass along to you, my good and faithful readers. Thus I felt it necessary to do a bit of perusing around on the good old world wide web for some inspiration for today’s post. During my wander a couple of things popped out, but it wasn’t until I found myself gasp out loud and exclaim “Oh. My. Goodness! Oh. Boy.”, as I sat there alone in my office that I knew I’d come across something really must-share worthy. It’s actually a quote and it goes a little something like… actually, it goes exactly like this:

“What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be.”

I think my cheek is actually a little red from getting smacked in the face with this one.

Good Fortune.

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fortune 2Over this past week I have found myself trotting from one thing to the next to the next – perhaps a little too much trotting if you ask me, but needless to say it has been quite the busy week. So much so, that the time to contemplate what I wanted to blog about this week has not so much as entered into my realm of consciousness… until now.

Just as I was about to do a little bit of research to find something interesting to write about I pulled out my little after-lunch-sweet-morsel, which today happened to be a left over fortune cookie from some Chinese take-out over the weekend, and HERE is what my fortune read: ‘Your belief in the goodness of mankind will be rewarded.’ Funny how. It was JUST this morning that I was working with a client who was having a hard time seeing any of the good in his life, which then led us to spending some time discussing and working on choices in perspective and what we chose to focus on. Working on being more intentional about seeing our glass as half full can have a huge impact on our happiness and well being – and yes, I do realize it’s sometimes easier said than done. Like most things that we  get good at though, it takes patience, practice, and persistence.

I know I’ve said this before, but I will say it again: One of the most amazing parts of my job, for which I am truly grateful, is being blessed with seeing people for who they really are. Seeing each man and woman I work with in their honest, truest, and most transparent selves apart from all the faces, masks, personas, and protections that we put up for others as we go through this big world. And I have to say, I have yet to work with anyone who was willing and able to show me their true selves that I did not find deeply beautiful, lovable and profoundly special. I’ll say it again, I am blessed.

Now I realize I have a big advantage because most people don’t get to see what I see in others, so sometimes it can be a little more difficult to see the goodness in people when pushing and shoving to get onto a bus that is 2 passengers away from being full, but there really is goodness there in all of us. Yes, ALL of us. If you’re having a hard time seeing the goodness in others, start with yourself. See the goodness in yourself. We all have it, so believe me, it’s there. Either way, if you find it easier to see the goodness in others, start with that, and you will undoubtedly find it easier to see the goodness in your self. And vice-verse; if you’re feeling a little jaded to the world and have a bit of an easier time seeing the goodness in yourself – start there, and soon you’ll notice it being a little less challenging to see the goodness in the guy in front of you who just let the door slam in your face. Then, in the words of the wise, all-knowing cookie, You too will be rewarded.

A Really Bad Day: How To Guide

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1. Think about what others have that you don’t

2. Criticize yourself in whatever you do

3. Criticize others in whatever they do

4. Call yourself down for any and every mistake you make… or have ever made.

5. Worry about things that are out of your control

6. Make yourself anxious about problems you don’t have

7. Think others will reject and shun you if you ever do anything wrong

8. Believe you are worthless and insignificant unless you are perfect

9. Tell yourself that “no” means everyone is against you

Where to Pointe.

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Often times when we feel angry toward another it is because they are not meeting our expectations in some way shape or form. Many of us are really well versed in the finger pointing name game and are brilliant users of the word “you”. You did this, or you did that, or you are to blame, or you are being mean, ungrateful, hurtful, etcetera, etcetera. The tougher part to bring to light in all of this is that there would be no you if there wasn’t also first an I.

I am hurt, angry, frustrated, upset because you did not meant my expectations. I expected you to be kind to me, treat me fairly, be considerate toward me, and acknowledge my feelings, and meet my needs in some way shape or form. Now of course having expectations from others to greater and lesser degrees is not unreasonable, in fact in close relationships it is definitely necessary. However I do not have to fall at the mercy of how you decide to treat, relate, respond to me.

I have choices. I always have choices.

I can:

Chose to express to you how I am feeling and ask if you would be willing to work together with me to make changes that will have a positive impact on our relationship.

Chose to accept how you treat me and then change my expectations for what I want from you, or from our relationship.

Chose to distance myself from the relationship because it may not be healthy for me to remain close to you.

Chose to keep things at the status quo and live in anger, bitterness, and resentment toward you.

 … Or any combination thereof.

Did I miss anything?

(As an aside I’ve been starting to do some research on the science of happiness: how to get it and how to keep it. Stay tuned…)

 

Stacked Team.

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It seems so easy to focus on what we lack (in skill, ability, material possessions, intelligence, relationship status, etc.) – in fact most of us might consider ourselves experts in the practice. Why are we so good at dwelling on the shortcomings and at the same time sometimes struggle to see the goodness? Is it just human nature? Social conditioning? Parental modeling? Mass media marketing? Whatever the reason, most of us are darn near experts in the art of the ‘if only.’

In order to tip the balance a bit the other way, we have one day a year where we are intentionally reminded to reflect on what we are grateful for. On this day we are given the opportunity to give thanks for that which we do have, and good gracious most of us have a lot! I’ve talked about perspective before and how we do have choices about which perspective we are going to take in a given situation. We can chose to see the positive, the things we are grateful for, and the reasons to be thankful. Not to condone a societal attitude change to that of Polly Anna or anything (that would get a bit nauseating), but maybe just a conscious reminder to ourselves to be grateful from time to time – just to help even out the playing field.