And it’s going to be hard for different people for different reasons.
This might be a little harsh, and if it makes you uncomfortable, it’s probably a good thing – it means you need to hear it.
We’re just going to jump right in, so here it goes:
No one is better than you and you are not better than anyone else.
For some of you, that may be relieving, for others uncomfortable. So let me explain:
We all have our strengths, gifts, talents and abilities that we bring to the table in any of the various life contexts we find ourselves in. And often, the ones we bring may be different than those someone else brings.
Read: Different. Not better, not worse.
Yes, someone may be smarter, prettier, stronger, more successful, more powerful, have more responsibility, have more friends, have had more adventures in their lives, or are really good at taking the perfect fish pout selfie, but regardless of how it looks or what you might think, they are not better than you.
What differentiates you from them is your experiences, education, talents, strengths, gifts, skills and opportunities.
But again, they are not better than you. They may have made different choices than you, they may have come from harder or easier life circumstances, they may have a more supportive family or friend group. But, they are not better than you.
The only way we are less than anyone else is if we allow ourselves to get stuck and weighed down by the belief we are. And it’s a big fat lie.
But the converse is also true.
No, this is not a reiteration of the millennial message that you are a special snowflake and the only special snowflake.
Rather, although no one is better than you, you are also no better than any one else either. Or another way to look at it, we are ALL special snowflakes.
And that may be hard for some of you to hear. Particularly those who sometimes get caught in the mistaken belief that you are better than others for some experience, opportunity, or success you have had that someone else may not have had.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking anyone’s hard work or God-given talents. Not at all. But regardless of where you’ve managed to get or not get in life, you are not better and you are not worse. You are making your way in the world today with everything you’ve got. Just like every other person on the planet.
We all have something to offer. We all have strengths, gifts, skills, and abilities – and yes, you may value certain attributes over others and that’s fine, you’re allowed to have your own subjective preferences.
Where things start to break down in relationships, institutions, communities and countries is when we start to believe we need to either be someone else in order to have value and worth, or think we are somehow superior to our neighbour for what we have that they may not.
Without sounding too hooey balooey, we need to stop focusing so much on comparing up or down and start focusing on, and valuing who we are, who others are, and how it takes all of us together to create a rich, diverse, interesting, multifaceted, colourful and fascinating world.
Ok. Soapbox done.
If you enjoyed this, please do share it on social media. And if you do, let me know so I can thank you!
I’m Julia Kristina MA, RCC, an I’m a CBT, Mindfulness, and Positive Psychology registered (aka licensed) therapist and life coach out of Vancouver BC.
If you’d like to work with me 1:1 I do in-person sessions from my office in downtown Vancouver, or virtually to any where in the world via SKYPE.