Why Your Partner Complains About Not Feeling Loved.

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How much people feel loved mostly depends on how they are being loved.

According to Gary Chapman (1995) there are 5 love languages, and if you want your partner or anyone else you care about to feel and appreciate the love you’re giving them you’re going to want to learn what their dominant love language is.

You might be saying to yourself right now, “I do things all the time to show my partner I love them.”

Okay, but do you always feel that your efforts are as appreciated, and recognized, and valued as you’d like them to be? If so, then great! You’re doing everything right and literally speaking the right language to the person you are loving. You can stop reading now.

But if not, if you often feel taken for granted or not as appreciated as you would like to be, it’s likely because your love recipient literally speaks a different love language than then one you are using and is not understanding the love you are making so much effort to give.

So stop trying so hard, and figure out or just ask your loved one which love language they understand and connect with best.

And here are the 5 Love Languages they can choose from:

1. Words of Affirmation: Simple phrases such as “thank you” or “you are wonderful” or “I appreciate what you did” or “great job!” fall like rain on dry, cracked soil to people whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation. It may seem too easy, but it really is this simple.

2. Quality Time: Giving your undivided attention: turning away from the computer, television or iPhone and toward your loved one when they are speaking to you and really listening to them is how these people feel loved. Going out for a walk, a meal, a day trip, or road trip and just spending time talking and connecting is love to Quality Timers.

3. Receiving Gifts: For these people, it’s not just about birthdays and Christmas, it’s about the “no occasion” gifts. It’s also often about the little thoughtful things rather than the price tag – things like “They had these cookies at the corporate event I was at and I brought one home for you because I know they’re your favourite.

4. Acts of Service: As the saying goes “Actions speak louder than words” and to these people they really do in a deep and profound way. Doing something thoughtful to pitch in, or help your partner. Things like the dishes, the raking, the laundry, the lawn mowing, or taking the kids to the park while your spouse has a weekend sleep in (this is a HUGE one in our house).

5. Physical Touch: This is everything from holding your partner’s hand to, ahem… you know what. Physical touchers love to cuddle and nuzzle. You’ll know one when you see one, or better yet, as soon as they snuggle up to you.

As I mentioned, most people connect strongly with one or two from the list. Some may even connect deeply with all 5 – and that’s great! This just means they probably feel loved with a little less effort than those of us who are more particular.

So if you want to feel like the person you are loving is really taking in all the love you so genuinely want to show them, find out what their love language is and start loving them in the way they understand it best.

And when your loved ones feel loved in a way that is deep and meaningful to them you will both feel more closely connected and in tune with one another. You’ve really got nothing to lose.

But don’t take my word for it, go forth and try it! I bet you won’t be disappointed

Did you know you can now ‘Like’ Julia Kristina Counselling on Facebook? It’s true, I wouldn’t lie.

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By | 2017-05-21T16:05:52+00:00 April 2nd, 2015|General|1 Comment