Tag Archives: optimism

Good Fortune.

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fortune 2Over this past week I have found myself trotting from one thing to the next to the next – perhaps a little too much trotting if you ask me, but needless to say it has been quite the busy week. So much so, that the time to contemplate what I wanted to blog about this week has not so much as entered into my realm of consciousness… until now.

Just as I was about to do a little bit of research to find something interesting to write about I pulled out my little after-lunch-sweet-morsel, which today happened to be a left over fortune cookie from some Chinese take-out over the weekend, and HERE is what my fortune read: ‘Your belief in the goodness of mankind will be rewarded.’ Funny how. It was JUST this morning that I was working with a client who was having a hard time seeing any of the good in his life, which then led us to spending some time discussing and working on choices in perspective and what we chose to focus on. Working on being more intentional about seeing our glass as half full can have a huge impact on our happiness and well being – and yes, I do realize it’s sometimes easier said than done. Like most things that we  get good at though, it takes patience, practice, and persistence.

I know I’ve said this before, but I will say it again: One of the most amazing parts of my job, for which I am truly grateful, is being blessed with seeing people for who they really are. Seeing each man and woman I work with in their honest, truest, and most transparent selves apart from all the faces, masks, personas, and protections that we put up for others as we go through this big world. And I have to say, I have yet to work with anyone who was willing and able to show me their true selves that I did not find deeply beautiful, lovable and profoundly special. I’ll say it again, I am blessed.

Now I realize I have a big advantage because most people don’t get to see what I see in others, so sometimes it can be a little more difficult to see the goodness in people when pushing and shoving to get onto a bus that is 2 passengers away from being full, but there really is goodness there in all of us. Yes, ALL of us. If you’re having a hard time seeing the goodness in others, start with yourself. See the goodness in yourself. We all have it, so believe me, it’s there. Either way, if you find it easier to see the goodness in others, start with that, and you will undoubtedly find it easier to see the goodness in your self. And vice-verse; if you’re feeling a little jaded to the world and have a bit of an easier time seeing the goodness in yourself – start there, and soon you’ll notice it being a little less challenging to see the goodness in the guy in front of you who just let the door slam in your face. Then, in the words of the wise, all-knowing cookie, You too will be rewarded.

Becoming a Natural

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Further to the conversation on increasing happiness in our lives, research suggests that one of the things that people with high levels of happiness do is remember to be intentionally grateful. Gratitude has been shown to be a very powerful antidote to sadness, frustration, depression, anxiety, and envy. By choosing to focus on and be grateful for what we do have we become much less likely to focus on or be worried about what we don’t. Now I’m not trying to be trite and recommend in the midst of despair that we should just stuff our sadness aside and look on the bright side – by no means. Sadness, frustration, and anger do have a valuable place in our lives, and giving those emotions some space is very important. That said, some boundaries with how much we indulge those emotions is very important as well. It’s not so useful to keep ourselves in an endless downward spiral of misery, and although it sometimes feels like we can’t help but feel sad, bad, mad, jealous, or worried, we in fact, to a greater or lesser extent, can.

By intentionally making a short list of things we are grateful for on a regular basis, either in our heads, by speaking them to another, or by actually writing a few down from time to time, we can’t help but start to see things differently.

The great news is that the research on happiness also shows that our personal happiness has very little to do with what we do or do not have: so for those of us who believe we would be happy if only…we would be wrong. It has very much more to do with the perspective that we chose to take. Sometimes easier said than done, but like most things that become natural this too takes patience, practice, and persistence.

Contagious People… Catching What They Have.

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In his national bestselling book TheTipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell dedicates a few pages to writing about types of people called “senders.” These types of people, he writes, “are those who are very good at expressing emotions and feelings, which means that [they] are far more emotionally contagious than the rest of us.” These are the types of people who, after spending some time in their presence, we can’t help but be greatly influenced by whatever energy they are sending out. I find I often notice it most when I am feeling blah, have an encounter with one of these senders exuding all kinds of positive emotion and energy, and then find myself walking away with a spring in my step and a joy in my spirit.

Reading this made me think of a woman I met with a short while ago who had come to me for some career counselling. This woman had recently become a victim of the struggling BC economy, had been laid off by a downsizing company, and was now trying to figure out what to do next with her career. Although she was terribly frustrated, discouraged, and somewhat stressed out about her work situation she still seemed to have a sort of positive underlying energy or attitude… I can’t quite describe it, but I found myself picking up the message that amidst her difficult circumstance, she knew what she had to do and was ready and willing to do it con mucho gusto! (With much gusto). As our session wrapped up I couldn’t help saying to her “I know you are going to be successful and that whoever you end up working for will be absolutely thrilled at there good luck for nabbing you up first.” She was just one of those senders who’s positive and optimistic energy and emotion, even in the midst of turmoil, was absolutely contagious and I found myself feeling really good in her presence… so good that I became tremendously excited about her impending success.

This also goes back to my last post about creating how others treat us. I’m baffled by how this woman, although faced with a really difficult situation, was able to create such optimism and exuberance in me which then directly translated into how I responded to her. Fascinating.