Often times when we feel angry toward another it is because they are not meeting our expectations in some way shape or form. Many of us are really well versed in the finger pointing name game and are brilliant users of the word “you”. You did this, or you did that, or you are to blame, or you are being mean, ungrateful, hurtful, etcetera, etcetera. The tougher part to bring to light in all of this is that there would be no you if there wasn’t also first an I.
I am hurt, angry, frustrated, upset because you did not meant my expectations. I expected you to be kind to me, treat me fairly, be considerate toward me, and acknowledge my feelings, and meet my needs in some way shape or form. Now of course having expectations from others to greater and lesser degrees is not unreasonable, in fact in close relationships it is definitely necessary. However I do not have to fall at the mercy of how you decide to treat, relate, respond to me.
I have choices. I always have choices.
Chose to express to you how I am feeling and ask if you would be willing to work together with me to make changes that will have a positive impact on our relationship.
Chose to accept how you treat me and then change my expectations for what I want from you, or from our relationship.
Chose to distance myself from the relationship because it may not be healthy for me to remain close to you.
Chose to keep things at the status quo and live in anger, bitterness, and resentment toward you.
… Or any combination thereof.
Did I miss anything?
(As an aside I’ve been starting to do some research on the science of happiness: how to get it and how to keep it. Stay tuned…)