“When you doubt your strength, you give strength to your doubt.”
Have you ever told yourself you’re not good enough, not strong enough, not worthwhile enough, not smart enough, not valuable, too insignificant, incompetent, or unworthy of real love and connection, or some other lovely thing like that? If you said yes. Don’t worry. You are SO not alone.
That little voice working its darndest to convince you of all kinds of no good is self-doubt.
And it’s a doozy.
But that’s what self-doubt does. For some reason, self-doubt thinks it’s okay to just waltz right in when you are trying to muster enough courage to take a risk, do something brave, put yourself out there, try something new or even just be who you really are.
It thinks it’s okay to call you down, make you question yourself, your worth, and your abilities.
Self-doubt wants you to feel small. It wants you to live in fear. It wants you to feel lonely and unfulfilled. It wants you to feel as though you need to be someone else in order to be worthy of love.
It thrives on convincing you not to go after your big goals and big dreams. It sneaks in there and tricks you in to asking yourself: who do you think you are to deserve joy, fulfillment, real connection, or success in your life?
But we actually don’t need to let self-doubt keep us small and scared. It doesn’t have to have the final say. It doesn’t have to win.
But we do need a little armour if we’re going to fight back.
We need to suit up in some armour and give self-doubt a run for its money by doing these 3 things:
Get Clear: Get really good and clear on what you’re doing and why. Why is taking this risk, working toward this goal, putting yourself out there in this scary way important to you. What does it mean to you? Why do you want to do it? What kind of outcome will make the risk totally worth it if all goes according to plan?
Find Your Peeps: take a second and think about anyone in your life who may have taken a similar risk, or someone who is in the same boat as you and is wanting to put themselves out there in some way shape or form.
And then call them. Talk to them. Share with them and tell them what you’re going through. Share your struggles. Share your fear. Heck, share your self-doubt! If they’ve been through what you have, they will be able to offer encouragement and advice that will motivate you to keep going and to kick that pesky self-doubt off the bus.
If they are going through it too you will be able to share in your fears and worries.
And do you know what? Do you know what self-doubt thrives on? Telling you there is something wrong with you and you are the only one struggling. But do you know what self-doubt hates? When you connect with other people and share openly and honestly because as soon as you see you are not alone, all of a sudden self-doubt loses its power.
Identify the Consequences? What’ll happen if I let self-doubt win this one? Where will it leave me if I let self-doubt convince me to give up, stay small, throw in the towel, go back to only playing it safe, or lonely, or boring.
Yes, when there is any amount of risk involved there is always a chance things won’t work out, or we could even fail. But okay, that’s normal, that’s life. But if you let self-doubt win, there’s not a chance things won’t work out, there’s a one hundred percent guarantee.
And if you ask anyone who has accomplished anything great they will tell you they didn’t get there without a lot of bumps and bruises along the way.
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I’m Julia Kristina MA, RCC, an I’m a CBT, Mindfulness, and Positive Psychology registered (aka licensed) therapist and life coach out of Vancouver BC.
If you’d like to work with me 1:1 I do in-person sessions from my office in downtown Vancouver, or virtually to any where in the world via SKYPE.