relationships | Julia Kristina Counselling

If You Need Affirmation From Others, Is there Something Wrong with You?

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:45-07:00October 18th, 2015|General|

The other day someone asked me if I thought it was a bad thing for them to enjoy getting positive affirmation from others, and I said, no, as long as you don’t need it. As long as it’s just the icing on your cake. But that is wrong. I made a big mistake. And I take it back. Here’s why. We are relational beings. Through and through. And in the happiness research I always have my nose in, the same thing keeps showing up as the single most influential contributor to our overall happiness and [...]

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Two Four 2

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00May 1st, 2013|General|

A while ago I wrote this posting about being responsible for ourselves and to others. To sum up, what this means is that we are responsible FOR our own thoughts, behaviours, reactions, emotions, but we are not responsible FOR those same things in others. We are, however, responsible TO others. It is our responsibility TO be kind, respectful, understanding, and compassionate toward others. It’s not okay, and it rarely turns out well when we try to take on someone else's downward spiralling emotions and then try to fix them, nor is it all that useful [...]

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Good for Me – Part Deux

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00January 14th, 2013|General|

And now, as promised, here are: The Next 5 Things that Keep Us From Expressing Our Feelings. 6. Low Self-Esteem: You believe that others peoples needs, wants, and expectations are important and valuable, but yours, for some reason, are not. You spend much of your time trying to please others and meet their expectations but rarely, if ever, express your feelings or tell others what you want. *My question here is, if other people’s thoughts, opinions, and preferences matter, then why don’t yours as well? Is there really such a thing as some people being [...]

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Gambling Problem.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:03-07:00October 17th, 2011|General|

Is there ever any point in avoiding an uncomfortable situation or conversation in the hope that it will just turn out the way we want it to? Or are we merely just kidding ourselves into simply prolonging the inevitable? I’m a bit stuck on this one. I just had a conversation with a woman who has been getting hot and cold messages from a love interest. This has been going on for several months now without resolve either way. It is causing her a great deal of confusion, and albeit some frustration, but what are [...]

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Below the Surface

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:05-07:00July 15th, 2011|Psychotherapy|

There's an idea out there in the psychology world that we create, to a large extent, how people treat us, and recently I've been finding myself thinking and philosophizing about this idea more than usual. Now obviously if we are rude and mean to someone most likely they will respond to us with anger or resentment... nothing profound there. And, sometimes friends, loved ones, and even complete strangers will be overtly rude to us for no apparent reason... I'm not saying we necessarily caused them to treat us in this way... sometimes people are just [...]

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