Good For Me Blog | Julia Kristina Counselling - Part 18

Becoming a Natural

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:01-07:00March 11th, 2012|General|

Further to the conversation on increasing happiness in our lives, research suggests that one of the things that people with high levels of happiness do is remember to be intentionally grateful. Gratitude has been shown to be a very powerful antidote to sadness, frustration, depression, anxiety, and envy. By choosing to focus on and be grateful for what we do have we become much less likely to focus on or be worried about what we don’t. Now I’m not trying to be trite and recommend in the midst of despair that we should just stuff [...]

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If Only…

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:01-07:00February 27th, 2012|General|

According to research, the life circumstances in which we find ourselves; meaning that whether we live in a mansion or a trailer, on the sunny southern west coast or the bitterly cold prairies, our degree of beauty or plainness, our fitness level or body mass index, or whether we are married or single makes up only about 10% of our sense of well-being and happiness. In theory, then, this means that we can spend the better part of our adult life scrimping, saving, and stressing over every dime spent in order to one day afford [...]

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A Little Bit Louder Now.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:01-07:00February 20th, 2012|General|

Yesterday morning while on my way into the church I typically attend on Sunday mornings there stood a small gathering of protestors. Now perhaps I’ve become a bit of a jaded city girl after several years of being asked for my money, my time, or my interest by all kinds of people I pass on the street because I didn’t even look twice at this small gathering of people nor did I notice just what they were protesting. It wasn’t until the pastor brought it up during the service that I was informed that they [...]

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Leave It To The Pros.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:01-07:00February 13th, 2012|General|

When we were children I think it’s safe to say that most of us pretended to be, or wished we were superheroes some of the time… or maybe all of the time. It was fun! Fun to run around the backyard donning a flowing cape (aka floral pillowcase) and a pair of underwear over our stretchy pants (aka long underwear)… fun to speak with authority in a booming voice over our younger siblings, cabbage patch dolls, or G.I. Joes. Fun to take on the world and save the innocent from crime, injustice, and bad guys. [...]

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Where to Pointe.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:01-07:00February 6th, 2012|General|

Often times when we feel angry toward another it is because they are not meeting our expectations in some way shape or form. Many of us are really well versed in the finger pointing name game and are brilliant users of the word “you”. You did this, or you did that, or you are to blame, or you are being mean, ungrateful, hurtful, etcetera, etcetera. The tougher part to bring to light in all of this is that there would be no you if there wasn’t also first an I. I am hurt, angry, frustrated, [...]

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Straight Forward.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:02-07:00January 30th, 2012|General|

There seems to be a bit of a misconception with some of us that in order to be a “good” or “strong” person we must not react to upsetting interactions with others, be it friends, family members, roommates, coworkers etc. The whole idea of turning the other cheek - meaning that if someone slaps you across the face you are to turn and present the other cheek for them to continue their assault - doesn’t sit well or really actually make that much sense to me. If the alternative is to smack them back, then [...]

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Twenty Three and a Half.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:02-07:00January 23rd, 2012|General|

I was all set with what I was going to blog about this week and then, just a moment ago, that all got flipped on its side after watching a short, yet powerful YouTube Video. I don’t often click on too, too many links that people post on Twitter, Linked In, and other such sites, but for some reason today I did. As an aside, do you ever hapt upon by seeming fluke or accident things in life that enrich and enliven you, and then wonder what you might have missed had you not done [...]

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Into Lemonade.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:02-07:00January 16th, 2012|General|

Further to last weeks post let’s talk about mistake making. I’m not certain, but I’m pretty sure none of us like to make mistakes. It usually feels pretty awful and often for so many different reasons. More often than not the consequence is letting someone else down or letting ourselves down. Many of us have a hard time facing ourselves when we err – the guilt, the shame, the remorse, the frustration. Now I’m not saying that one is to skip away in merry delight after doing or saying something regrettable, but beating ourselves up [...]

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All Linked.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:02-07:00January 9th, 2012|General|

Recently, I had the opportunity to get a taste of my own medicine. Now I say it was an opportunity because I see any and all occasions where one experiences insight, learning, and then subsequent growth as valuable. In my work as a counsellor my clients and I often talk about what’s not working for them and then do some exploration around that. This often brings them to some meaningful self-understanding and insight. From there we go on to identify the parts that are working, what has worked in the past, or what might work – since we’ve [...]

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Going Green.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:02-07:00January 3rd, 2012|General|

Here’s my take on New Years Resolutions. If you’ve been reading my blog regularly you can probably guess my opinion about this time of year’s most popular topic of conversation… Not a fan. Not because I think replacing bad habits with good ones is a terrible idea, but because of the way we tend to go about making our newly resolved metamorphoses. In essence, making grandiose and dramatic changes in a short amount of time is rarely effective… at least when it comes to long term sustainability. Believe it or not, human beings are extremely [...]

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The Wisdom to Know the Difference.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:02-07:00December 29th, 2011|General|

Today I developed a new appreciation for bus drivers. Perhaps it was because during my short 15 minute bus commute to work I saw my bus driver be the direct receiver of other people’s stress and frustration 3 times. Just a guy, doing his job, and doing it well – and all the while being blamed, targeted, held responsible, and insulted for literally doing nothing wrong. I don’t know about you, but I sure couldn’t do that job. All this to say I imagine bus drivers and other individuals in those types of customer service [...]

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Fa la la la la.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:02-07:00December 19th, 2011|General|

Tis the season to be a little (read: A LOT) more stressed than usual (and for many of us, yes, many lovely emotions do come with the Christmas Season package as well). I read an article recently about stress management and although all of it was really useful, there was one section that stood out for me. It was Stress Management Strategy Number 1: Avoid Unnecessary Stress. A note before we begin: not all stress can (or should) be avoided – many situations DO need to be actively and responsibly addressed. However, there are, in [...]

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Not All Created Equal.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:02-07:00December 12th, 2011|General|

Continuing with the goal setting discussion, it might not quite cut it to just have goals – to just throw them out there willy nilly and hope they get done. Having some sort of goal design format will make the goal achievement much more likely. One of my favourites is the SMART goal. SMART is a handy little acronym for the 5 characteristics of well planned goals. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-Oriented. Let’s look at this a little more thoroughly. Specific: The goal is clear and unambiguous. What are you going [...]

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It’s About the Journey

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:02-07:00December 6th, 2011|General|

I seem to remember that a couple of years ago the idea of goal setting was all the rage. And now, I don’t really hear people talk about goal setting too too much. Maybe it was just a fad that was all wrapped up with ‘The Secret’ hype…. Remember that film that everyone talked about a few years ago claiming that if you want something just think about it a lot, focus on it constantly, and it will magically happen? I imagine many became disheartened by the paucity of grandiose dreams coming into fruition with [...]

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How to Have a Really Bad Day.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:03-07:00November 27th, 2011|General|

Compare yourself to others. Judge yourself. Judge others. Think and evaluate in absolutes. Make every misfortune or mistake a catastrophe. Worry about problems you don’t have. Refuse to face reality and instead live in fantasy. Say and think bad things about yourself. Think that you are an awful, unlovable person if you make a mistake. Believe you are worthless unless you are perfect.

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They Will Be Heard.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:03-07:00November 21st, 2011|General|

The trouble with always hiding, suppressing, and dismissing one’s feelings is that they become much like disgruntled employees in preparation for a rebellion. In one way or another, their voices will be heard. Let’s say you’re the boss and had a bunch of employees working for you. If you chose to work as a dominating micro-manager forcing all of your workers into submission and punishing them at any sign of potency, it will not be long before your team becomes less and less productive as their will is squelched from all of the harsh treatment [...]

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Depends on Where We Want to End Up.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:03-07:00November 14th, 2011|General|

Is this really what I want to be doing or saying? Am I willing to deal with and face the consequences? If I do or say this will things turn out well for me or the ones I love? These are VERY good questions to ask when putting oneself in a potentially detrimental, destructive, or compromising situation. So the goal is to play it out to the end. Let's say I am in recovery from my alcohol problem. BUT I am craving a drink. "If I have that drink it will taste and feel good"… And [...]

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It’s Not You… It’s Me.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:03-07:00November 7th, 2011|General|

And this time, it’s true - At least according to Carl Jung (one of the grandfathers of modern psychotherapy). His theory suggests that we project the disowned (read: unappealing) aspects of ourselves onto others. Jung referred to this as our shadow archetype... don't worry I'm not going to go all psycho babble on you now. Basically, though, what he said is that the unfavourable qualities we react negatively to in others are really just our own issues that we do not identify with or recognize, but possess nonetheless. In other words: The things that bother, [...]

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In The Name of Love.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:03-07:00October 31st, 2011|General|

There’s an acronym in addiction treatment that people use to prevent relapse, but I think it’s an acronym everyone should know. HALT. It stands for Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. And it’s used as a self check-in when one is dealing with an urge or a craving to drink or use. The point is to ask oneself at that moment, “What am I really feeling? And what major need is not being met right now?” If we address and tend to this need, it’s almost certain that the craving will go away, and we will also [...]

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All Puffed Up.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:03-07:00October 25th, 2011|General|

This weekend I’m going to be giving a short speech, and I was asked by the event coordinator to provide her with a short bio about me to be read in my introduction. Now I felt a little funny writing about myself and the things I’ve done to get to where I’m at in my life and career until this point. I don’t know, maybe it’s because of the Scandinavian value of humility that’s been drilled into me since childhood, but whatever the reason, it felt weird so I reached out and asked a good [...]

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Gambling Problem.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:03-07:00October 17th, 2011|General|

Is there ever any point in avoiding an uncomfortable situation or conversation in the hope that it will just turn out the way we want it to? Or are we merely just kidding ourselves into simply prolonging the inevitable? I’m a bit stuck on this one. I just had a conversation with a woman who has been getting hot and cold messages from a love interest. This has been going on for several months now without resolve either way. It is causing her a great deal of confusion, and albeit some frustration, but what are [...]

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Stacked Team.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:03-07:00October 10th, 2011|General|

It seems so easy to focus on what we lack (in skill, ability, material possessions, intelligence, relationship status, etc.) – in fact most of us might consider ourselves experts in the practice. Why are we so good at dwelling on the shortcomings and at the same time sometimes struggle to see the goodness? Is it just human nature? Social conditioning? Parental modeling? Mass media marketing? Whatever the reason, most of us are darn near experts in the art of the ‘if only.’ In order to tip the balance a bit the other way, we have [...]

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Happily Ever After?

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:03-07:00October 3rd, 2011|General|

The myth of romantic love as propagated by our culture is that we are destined to meet, fall in love, and live happily ever after with the one. This illusion first starts to take shape when were we children reading and watching fairy tales of beautiful princesses meeting and falling in love with their handsome princes. I think as adults all of us secretly hope or hoped that when we meet or met the right person, we would live happily ever after in perfect union and harmony, and since the match is perfect, we would [...]

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Pressure’s Off.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:03-07:00September 25th, 2011|General|

“What’s the worst that could happen?” “They could say No.” Doesn’t sound like too big of a deal, but to some, ok I guess to most, “no” is a really hard word to hear. When talking about boundary setting, we need to both give ourselves the freedom to say no and also allow others the same luxury. It can be really hard to hear no, especially if we’re banking on a yes. But maybe, just maybe, that person needs to say no more than we need them to say yes. How to soften the blow [...]

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Between a Rock and a… Smaller Rock.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:04-07:00September 18th, 2011|General|

As a counsellor I often find myself reading psychotherapy and mental well being books in order to help me learn and grow professionally. One of the perks of this part of my job is that what I learn through my research tends to rub off on me, thereby contributing to my personal growth and emotional wellness. Funny how... Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reading and writing about boundary setting because this is an issue that often comes up with clients so I thought it useful to learn and understand more. A couple weeks [...]

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Taming the Beast.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:04-07:00September 11th, 2011|General|

Anger is quite a powerful little 5 letter word that means very different things to different people. For some it is an emotion that is rejected or avoided at all cost and understood as evil, bad, or unacceptable. For others it is all too present and readily available to use to hurt, damage, or destroy – sometimes irreparably so. Anger, like most emotions, is not a bad or shameful emotion in and of itself. It can even be very appropriate and useful at times. Without anger as a motivator for action we might feel less compelled to fight [...]

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Two Four

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:04-07:00September 5th, 2011|General|

Feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and exhausted because of putting everyone else’s needs before ones own has been a topic that has come up surprisingly frequently in my personal and professional life the past few weeks. As relational beings and perhaps more so for those of us who consider ourselves people pleasers, we often find ourselves feeling as though others’ well being and happiness is our responsibility to create, nurture, and maintain. Not only is this an incredibly ambitious undertaking, but in actuality, not humanly possible. Although sometimes it might be nice to have ultimate power and [...]

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Crack Down.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:04-07:00August 28th, 2011|General|

When New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani embarked on his lofty mission to clean up New York City and tackle its infamously high crime rate one might be surprised to learn that his strategy did not really focus on going after the big time criminals. Instead he began literally cleaning up the city and cracking down hard on the small time offenders. By investing tens of millions into actually cleaning up and revamping the decaying and dangerous subway system he began to create a different expectation for New Yorkers. By ticketing and arresting small time [...]

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Don’t Make a Fuss

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:04-07:00August 21st, 2011|General|

For many of us while growing up one of the best days of the year was that one day where the whole world seemed to centre around us, and that day was the ever anticipated birthday. Often the day was filled with cake and friends, parties and gifts, and a general sense of being really special and significant. Then, for some reason, as we got older, usually shortly after leaving our teens or early twenties, the day became less and less special, anticipated, and remarkable... All of a sudden people stopped caring as much that [...]

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Alone in a Crowded Room

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:06:04-07:00August 8th, 2011|General|

The other day on CBC Radio One they were talking about teen depression and how it’s on the rise. Some stats say that approximately 20% of all teens will experience a major depressive episode before they reach their adult years. I find this information quite disturbing and it makes me wonder why? Why, in a nation where the majority of us have way more than anyone could ever want, let alone, need? Where we have freedom, food, and fresh water? Where we have education, elected government, and employment? Where we have safety, social services, and supermarkets? [...]

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