Tag Archives: happiness

Not Too Bad At All.

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This year I plan to make the sojourn back to the motherland in good old Saskatoon Saskatchewan. Now for the past couple of weeks I have been sharing this news when asked what plans I have for the Christmas Holidays, and more often than not the response I get to my reply has been something like: “Oh wow! Good luck!” or “Really? Why?” or “Oh dear, it’s so cold there!!” or something to that effect. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really find this offensive – I get it. It is cold there and we West Coasters are quite pampered with our mild and relatively comfortable winters. Some might say we’re even a little too weather wimpy for our own good – the city practically shuts down at a mere dusting of snowfall. Anyway, sure, great that it’s warmer here, but don’t bother wasting your time pitying those who chose to live in, or visit, [much] colder temperatures.

Believe it or not, research shows that those who live in colder, windier, snowier weather for a good portion of the year are no less happy than those who live in the most mild and balmy year-round climates. In a recent happiness study, researchers interviewed people from both the Mid-Western and the South-Western United States (think Minnesota and California), and what they found was that the climate zone in which each participant lived bared no real impact on their level of general happiness. Sure, the mid-westerners said that it gets darn cold in the winter, but this was a neutral statement based on fact rather than the recount of a heavy hearted daily lament.

So then what can be gained from focusing some, if any, of our attention on the sub-zero winter temperatures that our prairie neighbours seem to get along just fine in? We can use it as an opportunity to reflect on and be grateful for what we do appreciate about living in a milder climate. Whatever that may be. Intentional and explicit thoughts and words gratitude actually do have a fair amount of impact on feelings of happiness and well-being. Weather does not.

Getting Happier. Three of Three.

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Over the past couple weeks we’ve been talking about perspective and how using empowering language and looking at our choices in a positive way can make us happier. Have I mentioned my disdain for the word should?

I’ve been going through the list of 15 things we can do to increase our happiness, and as promised, here are the final 5:

THE LAST 5 THINGS WE CAN CHOOSE TO DO TO INCREASE OUR HAPPINESS (in this series anyway)

11. CHOOSE TO USE YOUR COURAGE (cf: Give Up on Your Fears) We can choose to be fearful or we can choose to be courageous. Often it depends on how we look at things, so thinking of reasons why it’s in our best interest to use our courage will usually make that a much easy choice to make.

12. MAKE A CHOICE AND FOLLOW THROUGH (cf: Give Up Your Excuses): We get one life and it can be as empty or as full as we like. It’s not so much that it matters what we chose to do, but rather whether or not we commit and follow through. It’s important to pursue the things in life that are important to us, and it’s okay if we change our minds along the way. The most important thing is that the general trend is in the forward motion.

13. WORK ON LIVING IN THE MOMENT AND FINDING JOY IN IT (cf: Give Up the Past): As hard as we try, we cannot change the past, and only have so much control over the future. We can, however, determine what we do with our present. It’s easy to get caught up in living in the past, or preoccupying ourselves with plans for the future – but the truth is, all we are actually guaranteed is our present. So use it. Enjoy it.

14. TAKE OPPORTUNITIES TO LOVE OTHERS IN SELFLESS WAYS (cf: Give up Attachment): This one is a bit weird because of the original author’s definition of attachment. I won’t go into all of that though. The important thing here is to work on taking opportunities to love people in pure, kind, accepting, and selfless ways. Even when (and perhaps, especially when) we REALLY don’t feel like it.

15. TRUST YOUR INNER VOICE (cf: Give up on Living Your Life to Others People’s Expectations): It can be important to take the thoughts, views, and opinions of others into account when making major decisions in life, especially the ones belonging to those we are closest with and know us best. That said, we sometimes forget about one very important voice in the mix: Our own. When it comes down to it, most often we are the ones who are left living with the choices and decisions we make, so it’s usually pretty important to hear from ourselves about what might be meaningful and important to us.

There they are. All 15.

Happier yet?

Perspective. Part Deux.

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Last week we started to talk about perspective and looking at ways to increase our happiness through positive and empowering choices. The focus was on what we can choose to do. But only if we want. This week I promised to go through the next 5.

SO without further ado…

THE NEXT 5 THINGS WE CAN CHOOSE TO DO TO INCREASE OUR HAPPINESS

6. TAKE OPPORTUNITIES TO EXPRESS GRATITUDE (Original: Give Up on Complaining): We all have things we can be grateful for, like certain people and situations in our lives, or other things that are good or decent or meet our needs. They don’t have to be big – the little things actually count for a lot. Difficult things happen and for some of us they happen too often, but it’s important not to let them drag us down too far, and choosing to be grateful in the midst of difficulty can make a big difference with the happiness factor.

7. TAKE THE TIME TO OFFER PRAISE (Original: Give Up the Luxury of Criticism): If you recognize some thing you like or appreciate about someone – tell them!! This one gives us twice the bang for our buck because doing so will make the other person feel good, and then we can’t help but feel good for making someone else feel good. Everyone wins.

8. ACCEPT AND CELEBRATE THE REAL YOU (Original: Give Up Your Need to Impress Others): Once we can figure out a way to learn to like ourselves (and I’m not saying this is an easy one) it’s amazing how much other people start to be drawn to us and like us too.

9. TAKE OPPORTUNITIES TO BE OPEN TO CHANGE (Original: Give Up Your Resistance to Change):  Change can be hard but if we can weather the sometimes uncomfortable transition period, what’s waiting on the other side is often worth our effort.

10. EMBRACE OPPORTUNITIES TO DEVELOP UNDERSTANDING (Original: Give Up on Labels): At first impression, sometimes some people, places, or situations seem weird, different, or uncomfortable. If we can allow ourselves to dig a little deeper and learn a little more, we may be pleasantly surprised by how the newness can expand our minds and enrich our lives.

Stay tuned for the grand finale (the final 5) in next week’s post.

Zero Tolerance.

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Further to last week’s discussion, I’ve been learning more about that which seems to be contributing to the current state of our overly anxious society: and that is our ability (or lack thereof) to tolerate frustration. What I mean is, some things, sometimes, are not within our control, and we often aren’t able to manage every little detail, and things don’t always go exactly our way. Many of us have learned to lose our patience when things do not go as planned and thus often experience some greater or lesser (but often greater) degree of distress, worry, or discouragement when we encounter detours or roadblocks in life. Some of us even claim defeat and give up all together at the smallest setback or obstacle. Why is that? Why do we often get so glued to things going our way and become all wound up when they don’t? So what happens if things don’t go exactly how we expected? Who said they had to? And who decided that we ought to get all bent out of shape if they don’t? I think it’s sometimes good for us to sit in a bit of frustration if it will help us learn to tolerate it with a little more grace.

I have a feeling that one can’t help but enjoy life more when less time is spent fretting over that which cannot be controlled or changed, and more time is spent regrouping, refocusing, and ultimately rolling with that darn, but inevitable, resistance.

Will I Be Pretty?

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When is enough, enough? After watching this YouTube video that was sent to me I became overwhelmed with emotion as I thought about how many women and girls in our culture have become obsessed with our physical appearance. Literally. I mean obsessed. At first I thought, “Yeah, speak it loud and clear sister! Looks shouldn’t matter at all! And as women we need to stop thinking about, caring about, or worrying about what we look like! Who even cares!” Well, after coming down from this emotional high and thinking about it a little further I’d have to say that I do feel this way… to a certain extent… but I’m not ready to go out and burn my bra any time soon.

I believe we, both men and women alike, were created with an eye for beauty – not just in other humans, but also in our world. There is so much natural beauty around us and many of us feel good when we experience the beauty of creation. So then, if we were born with the propensity to appreciate looking at things that are pretty and appealing, is it then maladaptive to want to be attractive and appealing ourselves? I’m tempted to say no. Is it maladaptive and unhealthy to be constantly preoccupied with wanting to devise ways to look more attractive? And spend much of our time, energy, effort, and talents attempting to attain a certain feeling that is not actually attainable by way of stuff and things? To that I’d have to say yes.

Something else that has come out of my research on happiness which I found fascinating is that as it turns out, on these extreme makeover shows where women who thought they were unattractive and thought that they could only ever find real happiness if others found them physically beautiful, were right… after they’d recovered from their umpteen different face, body, and skin operations and procedures and were able to look in the mirror and for the first time be giddy with delight in what they saw these women did feel really, really happy… for the first few month. At best. Usually the dramatic spike in happiness stuck around for a few weeks after recovery and then went right back to generally the same level of personal happiness the madeover women felt before they ever went under the knife.

So, will it make me genuinely happy and content with myself if I shop till I drop and acquire all the nicest clothes, sexiest purses, or most powerful pumps? If I have the perfect shade of chestnut hair, the most flattering hue of rose coloured lips, or the ideal waist-to-hip ratio? The research results are clear: not a chance. Is it, however, unhealthy to enjoy and delight in feeling attractive and pretty from time to time? Of course not. Just as long as we don’t naively buy into the lie (aka marketing tactic) that it will actually make us happier.