General | Julia Kristina Counselling - Part 16

Why People Treat Us the Way they Do.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:53-07:00October 28th, 2014|General|

There’s an idea out there in the psychology world that we create, to a large extent, how people treat us. This is a big one that I've recently been finding myself thinking and philosophizing about more than usual. Now obviously if we are rude and mean to someone most likely they will respond to us with anger or resentment… nothing profound there. And, sometimes bosses, coworkers, friends, loved ones, and even complete strangers will be overtly rude to us for no apparent reason… I’m not saying we necessarily caused them to treat us in this [...]

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One of the Most Important Skills You Can Use.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:53-07:00October 24th, 2014|General|

Recently I came across some psychology literature that caught my attention. The author, well-known psychiatrist Scott M. Peck, points out that one of the most important skills we can teach our children, and also practice more of ourselves, is delaying gratification. When we wait a few minutes/hours/days before indulging in a decadent dessert/buying a new pair of shoes/or becoming the first time owner of a new sports car we appreciate and enjoy the object of our desire much more, or, the other thing that happens is we lose interest in said item and decide not [...]

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Is It Better to Work Hard or Take A Step Back?

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:54-07:00October 20th, 2014|General|

When in your golden years and reflecting back on that which has been your life thus far, what would you like to say to yourself? “Gosh, I wish I would have just chilled out more and taken time to rest, relax, and spend time with the people I love.” Or “Oh man, I sure wish I would have just gotten over my fears, hesitations, excuses, and lack of belief in myself and just gone for the goals and dreams I really wanted to work toward and accomplish.” This is a tough one because neither is [...]

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No One Is Going to Pay You to Do What You Love.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:54-07:00October 2nd, 2014|General|

I could have sworn that I've written about this before, but can’t, for the life of me, find where. So, I guess I must have talked about it so much I just assumed I’d actually put it out there in to cyber space for a larger audience to be aware of. It’s true. No one is going to pay you to do what you love. Well, I guess it’s true… sort of. There are some people who really are lucky enough to love and be passionate about the work they are involved in, and actually [...]

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Allowing Ourselves to be Imperfect.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:54-07:00September 11th, 2014|General|

I’m not always sure if it was society, or parents, the media, or the kid down the street who told us we need to be someone we’re not in order to be good enough, worthwhile or have any value as human beings. Wherever it came from, it’s not nice. And how it has translated in to adult hood is by cultivating a breed of individuals who believe they need to be perfect, beautiful, always put together, beyond reproach, completely on the top of their game, who never show signs of having limits, emotions or boundaries and [...]

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The Ice Bucket Challenge: Maybe Not So Great After all

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:54-07:00August 27th, 2014|General|

So I’m not on Facebook (I think we’re actually a dying race) but when I heard through the grapevine about the ALS Ice Bucket challenge I was confused, and then awe struck. BRILLIANT I thought. I love clever marketing that gets mass buy-in literally overnight. I thought the whole thing was a great idea, and having been somewhat familiar with ALS after reading Tuesdays With Morrie several years ago and learning about how devastating and tragic this illness is, I was immediately in support. Until I read this article by MACLEANS Magazine. Although the tone [...]

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The Power Of…

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:54-07:00August 21st, 2014|General|

Does focusing on the positive make you a more positive person in general? I’m going to go ahead and say yes. If any of this brain research that’s been all the rage over the past couple years regarding brain plasticity and how quite a good part of our brains are made up of that which we put in to them, then it stands to reason that if we put pessimism and negativity into the old noggin (i.e. by focusing on what we might think sucks about an interaction, a situation or, our lives), then that’s [...]

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As the Tide.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:54-07:00July 29th, 2014|General|

The truth about our emotions is that sometimes those sneaky little buggers get the best of us by making us wholeheartedly believe that what we’re feeling in a moment of discontent is an accurate portrayal of reality. If I feel like an idiot or a reject then I must be an idiot or a reject. The truth is, though, our emotions lie to us. If you think about it, we know how we may be feeling in a given moment can’t possibly be the total and utter truth because we’ve all had times of [...]

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Who Says? and Who Cares?

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:54-07:00July 17th, 2014|General|

I find it curious when people talk about how they feel bad because they think they should be more interesting by being more interested in something that’s “cool” (I’m not really sure who’s the official word on what’s cool and what’s not, but anyway…) Let’s look at this. Feeling crummy about yourself because you think you should be more interested in x, y, or z in order to make yourself more interesting. But what happens if you’re NOT actually really all that interested in x, y, or z? Some of the ones I've heard are: [...]

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The BIG HURT.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:54-07:00July 8th, 2014|General|

One day when I was in Junior High, seemingly out of nowhere I was targeted and forced out of the little posse of 12 year old girls that was my friend group. For some reason, to this day I still have no idea why, the leader of our little group of pre-teen girls decided she didn’t like me and didn’t want me in the group and was able to convince the others of the same (talk about an influential person! I hope she’s using her powers for good now). Anyway, I was out. I say [...]

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The Next Three.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:54-07:00July 3rd, 2014|General|

As promised the continuation from last time, here they are: THE FINAL 3 THINGS YOU CAN START WORKING ON IN YOUR PURSUIT TO BECOME A MORE ADAPTABLE PERSON 1. Experience Rejection without Blaming Yourself: You know it and I know it. Rejection is painful. It’s like stubbing your big toe. It often causes our self-esteem to be wounded as a result. What many of us do then, is kick ourselves when we’re down: we blame and criticise ourselves and are quick to tell ourselves why we’re no good and not worthy of success or acceptance. [...]

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State or Trait

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:54-07:00June 29th, 2014|General|

Believe it or not, there is a pretty basic trait that you may not realize will really help to make you a much happier person. It’s the ability to be adaptable. And the good news is that even if adaptability doesn’t come naturally to you, it is something you can intentionally work on and learn to become more of. We all face different challenging circumstances and interactions on a daily basis and how we respond to these can vary greatly. Some of us buckle under the pressure of emotional discomfort and often find ourselves feeling hopeless or [...]

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The Vancouver Real Estate Market: Missed the Boat.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:54-07:00June 20th, 2014|General|

It's SO easy to get caught up in things that are really rather menial, but in the moment seem like the BIGGEST DEALS EVER! Just last night I was boo hooing to my most patient, calm, and rational husband about how in the last 10 years Vancouver went from being an expensive city to a totally unaffordable city, real estate wise… at least if you’d rather a family of 4 NOT live in a 500 square foot apartment in a sort of dodgy area of town. I could go on about my discouragement and frustrations [...]

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No Change.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00April 24th, 2014|General|

If I always think the way I have always thought, I will always feel the way I have always felt. If I always feel the ways I’ve always felt, I will always do what I’ve always done. If I always do what I’ve always done, I will always get what I’ve always got. If I always get what I’ve always got, There is no change. And if there is no change, There is no change. ~Anonymous Some of the work that I do as a clinical counsellor is intervening on that first level: our thoughts. [...]

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Never Be Disappointed Again: A How-To Guide

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00January 3rd, 2014|General|

Let's start with a word: Expectations. They can be so dangerous sometimes. It’s so easy, though, to muster up and place big fat expectations on ourselves, and sometimes worse, others and situations that are relatively out of our control. I say it’s sometimes worse to have big lofty expectations of others because, as we’ve discussed previously, it’s really hard (read: impossible) to control others. At least when it’s about us we do often have a little more control… sometimes. Anyway, expectations of others, especially really big ones: not good. People are not always as kind, [...]

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Two Four 2

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00May 1st, 2013|General|

A while ago I wrote this posting about being responsible for ourselves and to others. To sum up, what this means is that we are responsible FOR our own thoughts, behaviours, reactions, emotions, but we are not responsible FOR those same things in others. We are, however, responsible TO others. It is our responsibility TO be kind, respectful, understanding, and compassionate toward others. It’s not okay, and it rarely turns out well when we try to take on someone else's downward spiralling emotions and then try to fix them, nor is it all that useful [...]

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The Dance.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00April 3rd, 2013|General|

While doing a little spring cleaning on my I came across one of my favourite communication tools for identifying and resolving issues with others. It’s called the Awareness Wheel and it’s a great little diddy for identifying what’s really going on in a given situation and then working through the issue – especially with someone you are close to like a partner, parent, sibling, or close friend. We’re not always aware of what’s actually going on when in the crux of a conflict with someone (or even with ourselves) so using this tool can really [...]

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Just A Moment.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00March 28th, 2013|General|

I speak and write often of gratitude and of taking time to be grateful because it really is something that is so simple to do and yet so powerful. Being regularly and intentionally grateful for even the small things in life has been shown to significantly impact ones overall happiness and well being. It can often even instantly turn a sour mood into feelings of contentment and joy. It really can make a signficant difference - like I said, it's pretty powerful stuff. So then, I propose we take just a moment right now to [...]

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More Than Words.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00March 18th, 2013|General|

This past weekend I partook in my new Saturday morning yoga ritual at the lovely little yoga studio just down the street from my house. Now I wouldn’t call myself an avid yogi because, to be honest, I often find yoga a little too low key and breathy for my personal preference – I tend to be a mover, a goer, and a doer – which likely means that participating in the slow and steady from time to time is exactly what would be best for me. I digress. Anyway, I have been getting myself [...]

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Something Like a Phenomenon.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00March 11th, 2013|General|

I’m always a bit tickled when the same theme seems to pop up out of nowhere several times within a few days. This weeks theme: The Impostor Phenomenon. Now, what is that you ask? The impostor phenomenon is a thing that's experienced by those who just cannot believe in or take any credit for their successes, abilities, or accomplishments. People who have this experience often attribute their successes to such things to luck, timing, or being really good at faking it and deceiving others into believing they are something they, in fact, are not. This [...]

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There It Is

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00March 4th, 2013|General|

I’ve been taking a little time off from the psych literature devouring reading over the last couple of weeks to re-focus my attention on a memoir manuscript written by an incredibly talented young writer that I had put aside a few months ago in order to complete some ‘mandatory work-related reading’. Needless to say then that lately I haven’t been consuming as much mental health and wellness information of which I am all to eager to pass along to you, my good and faithful readers. Thus I felt it necessary to do a bit of [...]

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Well Nourished.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00February 26th, 2013|General|

Why are parents so often right? And mom, if you're reading this, I repeat: often. I think it’s safe to say that most ALL parents like to give advice and most ALL children, especially teenagers and young adults, like to give back to said advice a “yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you say, blah, blah, blah.” But oh gosh, as we go through life, and heaven forbid it start to get older, I’ll be darned if so many of the things I rolled my eyes at and brushed off as “oh parents, you don’t really know [...]

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Good Fortune.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00January 28th, 2013|General|

Over this past week I have found myself trotting from one thing to the next to the next – perhaps a little too much trotting if you ask me, but needless to say it has been quite the busy week. So much so, that the time to contemplate what I wanted to blog about this week has not so much as entered into my realm of consciousness… until now. Just as I was about to do a little bit of research to find something interesting to write about I pulled out my little after-lunch-sweet-morsel, which [...]

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Under Pressure.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00January 22nd, 2013|General|

Here’s a conundrum: What I’m wondering is why we expect ourselves to be perfect when there’s really no such thing? When we do this, we only set ourselves up for a losing battle. Some of us put such high expectations on ourselves – expectations that are rarely, if ever, reachable and then we punish ourselves with feeling like inadequate failures when we can’t possibly reach our pretty much unreachable standards. I’ve talked to people who have almost literally been on the edge of a nervous breakdown because of all of the expectations they have of [...]

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Good for Me – Part Deux

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00January 14th, 2013|General|

And now, as promised, here are: The Next 5 Things that Keep Us From Expressing Our Feelings. 6. Low Self-Esteem: You believe that others peoples needs, wants, and expectations are important and valuable, but yours, for some reason, are not. You spend much of your time trying to please others and meet their expectations but rarely, if ever, express your feelings or tell others what you want. *My question here is, if other people’s thoughts, opinions, and preferences matter, then why don’t yours as well? Is there really such a thing as some people being [...]

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Good for Me – Part 1

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00January 7th, 2013|General|

So if one of your New Years Resolutions was to take better care of yourself might I suggest something to help in this endeavour from the inside out? I propose this be the year of acknowledging and respecting that you are a valuable, significant, and worthwhile person and as such your thoughts and feelings matter. Now, to start putting some of that money where our mouths are I’m going to share a list of the Top 5 Things that Keep Us From Expressing Our Feelings. The goal is that bringing our awareness to some of [...]

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Merry Making.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00December 23rd, 2012|General|

For those of us who find Christmas to be a joyful and special time of year, it can definitely also be quite a stressful and exhausting time of year. One of the things I like most about the Holidays is all of the food. Food everywhere. And the best part is that it seems to also be the one time of year when Turtles, Toblerone, and toffee pudding are acceptable choices for a lazy morning breakfast... alongside an eggnog latte of course. Tis the season of continuous consumption and often an excess of stress, so [...]

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Not Too Bad At All.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00December 17th, 2012|General|

This year I plan to make the sojourn back to the motherland in good old Saskatoon Saskatchewan. Now for the past couple of weeks I have been sharing this news when asked what plans I have for the Christmas Holidays, and more often than not the response I get to my reply has been something like: “Oh wow! Good luck!” or “Really? Why?” or “Oh dear, it’s so cold there!!” or something to that effect. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really find this offensive – I get it. It is cold there and we [...]

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When a Prickle’s Just a Prickle.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00December 4th, 2012|General|

I’ve talked about this before, but I’m going to talk about it some more. One of the most effective antidotes to a crummy mood is to intentionally turn ones thoughts of woe into thoughts of gratitude. We call this developing an “Attitude of Gratitude.” How catchy. Anyway, I realize I make it sound so simple. That said it is usually much easier to reflect on that which we are grateful for when we are feeling good, and not too too difficult when we are feeling mildly blue. However, NOT so easy when we are feeling [...]

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What’s Floating the Boat?

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00November 27th, 2012|General|

A short time ago I was working with a client who was having a hard time feeling good about himself. In one of our more recent sessions, he was feeling particularly depressed because he had been telling himself over and over again how lazy he was, and the more he heard this message the less able he was to get up and get things done, thus confirming precisely what was being said. In our session we decided to devote some time to looking closely at just how lazy he actually was, because in fact, he [...]

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