Good For Me Blog | Julia Kristina Counselling - Part 17

The Dance.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00April 3rd, 2013|General|

While doing a little spring cleaning on my I came across one of my favourite communication tools for identifying and resolving issues with others. It’s called the Awareness Wheel and it’s a great little diddy for identifying what’s really going on in a given situation and then working through the issue – especially with someone you are close to like a partner, parent, sibling, or close friend. We’re not always aware of what’s actually going on when in the crux of a conflict with someone (or even with ourselves) so using this tool can really [...]

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Just A Moment.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00March 28th, 2013|General|

I speak and write often of gratitude and of taking time to be grateful because it really is something that is so simple to do and yet so powerful. Being regularly and intentionally grateful for even the small things in life has been shown to significantly impact ones overall happiness and well being. It can often even instantly turn a sour mood into feelings of contentment and joy. It really can make a signficant difference - like I said, it's pretty powerful stuff. So then, I propose we take just a moment right now to [...]

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More Than Words.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00March 18th, 2013|General|

This past weekend I partook in my new Saturday morning yoga ritual at the lovely little yoga studio just down the street from my house. Now I wouldn’t call myself an avid yogi because, to be honest, I often find yoga a little too low key and breathy for my personal preference – I tend to be a mover, a goer, and a doer – which likely means that participating in the slow and steady from time to time is exactly what would be best for me. I digress. Anyway, I have been getting myself [...]

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Something Like a Phenomenon.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00March 11th, 2013|General|

I’m always a bit tickled when the same theme seems to pop up out of nowhere several times within a few days. This weeks theme: The Impostor Phenomenon. Now, what is that you ask? The impostor phenomenon is a thing that's experienced by those who just cannot believe in or take any credit for their successes, abilities, or accomplishments. People who have this experience often attribute their successes to such things to luck, timing, or being really good at faking it and deceiving others into believing they are something they, in fact, are not. This [...]

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There It Is

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00March 4th, 2013|General|

I’ve been taking a little time off from the psych literature devouring reading over the last couple of weeks to re-focus my attention on a memoir manuscript written by an incredibly talented young writer that I had put aside a few months ago in order to complete some ‘mandatory work-related reading’. Needless to say then that lately I haven’t been consuming as much mental health and wellness information of which I am all to eager to pass along to you, my good and faithful readers. Thus I felt it necessary to do a bit of [...]

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Well Nourished.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:55-07:00February 26th, 2013|General|

Why are parents so often right? And mom, if you're reading this, I repeat: often. I think it’s safe to say that most ALL parents like to give advice and most ALL children, especially teenagers and young adults, like to give back to said advice a “yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you say, blah, blah, blah.” But oh gosh, as we go through life, and heaven forbid it start to get older, I’ll be darned if so many of the things I rolled my eyes at and brushed off as “oh parents, you don’t really know [...]

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Good Fortune.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00January 28th, 2013|General|

Over this past week I have found myself trotting from one thing to the next to the next – perhaps a little too much trotting if you ask me, but needless to say it has been quite the busy week. So much so, that the time to contemplate what I wanted to blog about this week has not so much as entered into my realm of consciousness… until now. Just as I was about to do a little bit of research to find something interesting to write about I pulled out my little after-lunch-sweet-morsel, which [...]

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Under Pressure.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00January 22nd, 2013|General|

Here’s a conundrum: What I’m wondering is why we expect ourselves to be perfect when there’s really no such thing? When we do this, we only set ourselves up for a losing battle. Some of us put such high expectations on ourselves – expectations that are rarely, if ever, reachable and then we punish ourselves with feeling like inadequate failures when we can’t possibly reach our pretty much unreachable standards. I’ve talked to people who have almost literally been on the edge of a nervous breakdown because of all of the expectations they have of [...]

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Good for Me – Part Deux

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00January 14th, 2013|General|

And now, as promised, here are: The Next 5 Things that Keep Us From Expressing Our Feelings. 6. Low Self-Esteem: You believe that others peoples needs, wants, and expectations are important and valuable, but yours, for some reason, are not. You spend much of your time trying to please others and meet their expectations but rarely, if ever, express your feelings or tell others what you want. *My question here is, if other people’s thoughts, opinions, and preferences matter, then why don’t yours as well? Is there really such a thing as some people being [...]

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Good for Me – Part 1

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00January 7th, 2013|General|

So if one of your New Years Resolutions was to take better care of yourself might I suggest something to help in this endeavour from the inside out? I propose this be the year of acknowledging and respecting that you are a valuable, significant, and worthwhile person and as such your thoughts and feelings matter. Now, to start putting some of that money where our mouths are I’m going to share a list of the Top 5 Things that Keep Us From Expressing Our Feelings. The goal is that bringing our awareness to some of [...]

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Merry Making.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00December 23rd, 2012|General|

For those of us who find Christmas to be a joyful and special time of year, it can definitely also be quite a stressful and exhausting time of year. One of the things I like most about the Holidays is all of the food. Food everywhere. And the best part is that it seems to also be the one time of year when Turtles, Toblerone, and toffee pudding are acceptable choices for a lazy morning breakfast... alongside an eggnog latte of course. Tis the season of continuous consumption and often an excess of stress, so [...]

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Not Too Bad At All.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00December 17th, 2012|General|

This year I plan to make the sojourn back to the motherland in good old Saskatoon Saskatchewan. Now for the past couple of weeks I have been sharing this news when asked what plans I have for the Christmas Holidays, and more often than not the response I get to my reply has been something like: “Oh wow! Good luck!” or “Really? Why?” or “Oh dear, it’s so cold there!!” or something to that effect. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really find this offensive – I get it. It is cold there and we [...]

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When a Prickle’s Just a Prickle.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00December 4th, 2012|General|

I’ve talked about this before, but I’m going to talk about it some more. One of the most effective antidotes to a crummy mood is to intentionally turn ones thoughts of woe into thoughts of gratitude. We call this developing an “Attitude of Gratitude.” How catchy. Anyway, I realize I make it sound so simple. That said it is usually much easier to reflect on that which we are grateful for when we are feeling good, and not too too difficult when we are feeling mildly blue. However, NOT so easy when we are feeling [...]

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What’s Floating the Boat?

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00November 27th, 2012|General|

A short time ago I was working with a client who was having a hard time feeling good about himself. In one of our more recent sessions, he was feeling particularly depressed because he had been telling himself over and over again how lazy he was, and the more he heard this message the less able he was to get up and get things done, thus confirming precisely what was being said. In our session we decided to devote some time to looking closely at just how lazy he actually was, because in fact, he [...]

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The Meaning Behind the Message.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:56-07:00November 20th, 2012|General|

Here's the Bad Good News: For better or worse and no matter who's listening, what we say about ourselves is how we think about ourselves - or at least it will inevitably become so. ... stay tuned for next week's post where I'll to share a recent and potent example of this from my clinical practice.

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Bound To Get Messy.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:57-07:00November 4th, 2012|General|

Because we are bombarded with so many contradictory messages from society all the time many of us sometimes (or often) have an hard time feeling good about ourselves. We are told time and time again that in order to be a good person we must be equal and superior to others; generous and frugal; spontaneous and organized; assertive and easygoing… and the list goes on. It doesn't take long for it to become clear that no matter what we chose to do, we can't do it all and we can't be perfect, thus we’ll inevitably [...]

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A Really Bad Day: How To Guide

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:57-07:00October 29th, 2012|General|

1. Think about what others have that you don't 2. Criticize yourself in whatever you do 3. Criticize others in whatever they do 4. Call yourself down for any and every mistake you make... or have ever made. 5. Worry about things that are out of your control 6. Make yourself anxious about problems you don't have 7. Think others will reject and shun you if you ever do anything wrong 8. Believe you are worthless and insignificant unless you are perfect 9. Tell yourself that "no" means everyone is against you

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In A Jiff

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:57-07:00October 22nd, 2012|General|

So I’ve recently had it put right there in my face, and it took me more time than it should have to see it happen. There it was: one of the quickest and easiest ways to instantly boost our mood. I was in session with a client recently who was obviously feeling quite low. Right away I asked her what was going on and she said she wasn’t sure, and so we spent the next little while talking about why she may have been feeling how she was feeling. We weren’t having much luck and [...]

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Trail Blazing.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:57-07:00October 15th, 2012|General|

I’m sure most of you know this already, but apparently our brains are plastic. From what I understand, this means that you actually can teach an old dog new tricks. I’m not a neuroscientist, so you’ll bare with me if I explain this in a simplified, and not too terribly precise way. All through our lives the things we experience, encounter, and respond to create neural pathways in our brains. Many of these pathways are formed in childhood based on the world around us and how we were taught to experience, encounter, and respond to [...]

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In A Pickle.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:57-07:00October 9th, 2012|General|

The difference between guilt and shame is as simple as “I did something bad” versus “I am something bad.” Now here’s the interesting part: those individuals who have a sense of worthiness, of love, and of belonging, versus those who are always wondering if they’re good enough, are not those who have things like beauty, social status, wealth, rank in corporate hierarchy, or are living in the most beautiful cities in the world, in fact, what separates those who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it [...]

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Just A Sandwich.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:57-07:00October 1st, 2012|General|

The other day I was at a weekend training workshop for Complex Integration of Multiple Brain Systems or more simply put, CIMBS, and I had an interesting interaction with another counsellor that had nothing to do with the training we were doing. At this workshop we were provided with a lunch and this lunch consisted of soup and sandwiches – but not just any sandwiches, they were these little gourmet mini sandwiches and they were delightful. Anyway, shortly after lunch, when we were back in session, someone on the catering team came in and took [...]

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This Too Shall Pass.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:57-07:00September 25th, 2012|General|

A small but very important multipurpose tool from my toolbox which I find extraordinarily useful to use with my clients, as well as with myself, is remembering to keep our Emotional Reasoning in check. Emotional Reasoning is a cognitive distortion that many of us employ quite regularly – sometimes without even knowing it. It’s the inaccurate belief that how we feel is how things really are, without question. If I feel stupid, I must be stupid. If I feel angry, I must be crazy and out of control. If I feel like I never do [...]

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Not a Four Letter Word

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:57-07:00September 17th, 2012|General|

Here’s a little more on assertiveness. Like I said, I’m a big fan of this one. Learning to be assertive is probably one of the most useful communication tools I can think of. It can strengthen our relationships, reduce stress from conflict or having to “suck it up”, and it generally just makes one a happier person. Part of being assertive is learning how to say no. For many of us, no is basically a four letter word, and we try to avoid it at all cost by employing elaborately worded maybe’s or a yes [...]

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Standing Tall

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:57-07:00September 10th, 2012|General|

I talk a lot about assertiveness, because, let’s be honest, I’m a big fan, and unfortunately, many of us don’t put it to its good use as often as we could! In a nut shell, assertiveness is our ability to express our thoughts and feelings and assert our rights while also acknowledging and respecting the rights of others. It’s about being appropriately open, honest, and clear about where WE are at. People often confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness, which is when we express our feelings, preferences, and needs in a way that is disrespectful, inappropriate, critical, [...]

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Beast Whispering 101

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:57-07:00August 27th, 2012|General|

Lately I’ve become quite fascinated with anger. I find myself reading and re-reading any and all information that comes across my path on the topic. I haven’t been intentionally seeking out literature or information on anger… not just yet anyway, but am finding the more I learn the more I want to know. Anger is one of those funny emotions. Not really funny ‘ha ha’, but more ‘ha, that’s curious, what’s this all about?.’ Many of us fear anger. For women, most of us were taught as children that good girls don’t show, let along [...]

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Earning Our Keep.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:58-07:00August 20th, 2012|General|

Many of us believe that our worth depends on our behaviour… ‘The more I do, accomplish, achieve, the more worthwhile, valuable, significant I am.’ That sometimes bugger of an internal voice is relentless in telling us that in order for me to be of any value I must do something worthwhile and important. I know you might not buy it for a second, but if you’ll humour me, the truth is that our value is found in the clear fact that we are conscious, and we can see, and we can experience. We are sophisticated, [...]

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Chose Your Words Carefully

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:58-07:00August 13th, 2012|General|

So further to last week’s perhaps somewhat unsanitary discussion, dealing with a shouldy mess can often be as straightforward as changing the words we chose to express our thoughts and feelings. This might sound too ridiculously simple to be true, but to that I say perhaps not, seeing as we interpret, process, and then respond to pretty much everything in the world based on the specific word choices we use, either aloud or in our heads. Ah the philosophy of language…. And there’s my undergraduate minor leaking through… Anyway, we do have a few of [...]

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Shoulding All Over Ourselves

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:58-07:00August 7th, 2012|General|

It might not be immediately obvious, but we are all guilty of shoulding on ourselves and others… some of us more so than we might want to admit. There are 3 types of shoulds that most of us regularly employ that really aren’t doing us much good. Should #1 – Shoulding on the Self: “I SHOULD do well at everything and be approved of, liked, and admired by everyone or else I am no good and do not deserve to be happy.” This demand on the self results in anxiety, depression, and often allowing others [...]

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With A Little Grace

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:58-07:00July 23rd, 2012|General|

Self deprecation and humility – there is a difference. I don’t know if it’s a Canadian thing or what, but I think many of us fear appearing egotistical, prideful, or cocky to such an extent that we overcompensate too much toward the other end and become almost self-deprecating. It’s often relatively subtle – an “oh it’s not that good” here, an “I kind of messed it up” there, a “You should see how good so and so does it”… but any and all put downs we give ourselves do still chip away at the soul [...]

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Getting Happier. Three of Three.

By Julia Kristina|2017-05-21T16:05:58-07:00July 16th, 2012|General|

Over the past couple weeks we’ve been talking about perspective and how using empowering language and looking at our choices in a positive way can make us happier. Have I mentioned my disdain for the word should? I’ve been going through the list of 15 things we can do to increase our happiness, and as promised, here are the final 5: THE LAST 5 THINGS WE CAN CHOOSE TO DO TO INCREASE OUR HAPPINESS (in this series anyway) 11. CHOOSE TO USE YOUR COURAGE (cf: Give Up on Your Fears) We can choose to be [...]

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