Have you ever convinced yourself not to do that thing that you really need to do, that is good for you, that will help you get closer to your bigger goals, that will give you a deep sense of satisfaction in the end because…. you don’t feel like it right now?
And if so, if you do tend to listen to and abide by your feelings in this way, you are making a big mistake.
Of course, you are absolutely permitted to feel exactly what it is you are feeling at any given moment on any given day, but if you have any plan, intention or desire to move forward in any area of your life, you would be wise to not always let said feelings make these kinds of decisions for you.
Because feelings sometimes lie. It’s not nice, but it’s true. They will sneak in and tell you things like:
“I don’t feel like giving that presentation that could really help me move up in my career, so I’m not going to.”
“I don’t feel like going for a run right now, even though the emotional, physical and psychological benefits of taking care of my health make a huge difference for me, instead I’m going to stay planted on the couch filling my mouth with Doritos.”
“I don’t feel like getting up and greeting my partner with a hug and a kiss when they get home in order to help them feel loved and valued, because I’m in the middle of something (unimportant).”
The point is, feelings lie. And they don’t always have our back. They don’t always take good care of us, and they don’t always have our best interest at heart.
They might do a good job of talking you into doing what feels good (or is easiest) in this moment – what might be the path of least resistance right now, but those things are not always the ones that are best for us.
So then, what do we do about them when our feelings try and talk us out of things that are actually good for us?
We don’t give them a chance to have a say.
And in order to do that, we need to keep the internal conversation out of it by creating more habits and non-negotiables for ourselves.
For better or worse, habits work. If something is a habit, or is part of a routine, It’s just something we do without thinking about it. And then we take the idea of needing to feel like doing it right out of the equation.
Habits like this:
“ I find at least one opportunity a month to give a presentation at work.”
“I go for a 30 minute power walk or run every other night”
“No matter what I’m doing, I get up and greet my partner warmly when they get home.” (Try this one if you’re not doing it already… I can all but guarantee it will make a big difference in your relationship).
And finally, the one that is quite fitting for me right now, because, in all honesty, I didn’t feel like writing this article tonight, but it doesn’t really matter because: “I write a blog post at least once a month, and the month is nearly up!”
Creating habits make our lives easier, more painless and they keep us moving forward.
And the best part is, when we have them, we don’t have to wonder or worry if those darn feelings are going to come in and try and make things more difficult for us.
If you found this valuable, please share it. And if you do, let me know so I can thank you.
I’m Julia Kristina M.A. Psych, and I’m a CBT, Mindfulness, and Strength Based registered therapist, researcher and online course creator out of Vancouver BC.
I help men and women get through the crap that’s holding them back so they can like themselves and their lives more everyday.